Crypt1c X Th1rt33n
by sunflowerb
Summary: Roxas: We need to clarify our definition of a 'need-to-know basis'. SPOILERS FOR 358/2 DAYS. slight 13x14. introspective.


**A/N: Something of an introspection on Roxas towards the end of 358/2 Days. Continuous, despite the weird numbering. Roxas POV.**

**Roxas. SPOILERS FOR DAYS. Sorta-implied 13x14.**

* * *

_.C.r.y.p.t.1.c. X T.h.1.r.t.3.3.N._

_We need to clarify our definition of a 'need-to-know basis'._

_1_

At first I didn't think to ask, so you didn't tell, so I can't really blame anyone for that. You may even have told me everything I'd ever want to know then, simply because you knew I wouldn't understand a world of it.

Look how that worked out.

_2_

You never told us a thing. Either one. You just left us to wander in this wilderness of question marks.

Did you not think we'd wander straight into each other?

_3_

Maybe you did. Maybe that's why you made her a girl.

_4_

I'm getting sick of the word Maybe. I guess that's just what it is to be a Nobody. You get a half-existence and half-answers.

If that's the case then I get why we wanna be whole.

_5_

It'd be one thing if you were just expecting me to read between the lines. But there aren't even any lines to read between. You've given me nothing but blank space.

_6 _

It was sort of my fault for ever trusting you to just tell me the truth to begin with, but then again not really, because I didn't know there was any reason for someone not to be trusted.

_7_

You know, I would have trusted you until the very end if you hadn't gone and taught me the meaning of betrayal.

_8_

What do you really want from us? Me and her? Did you want to keep us distanced, or were you expecting us to fall in love?

That's what sucks the most, you know. I don't even know enough about your plans to spite you.

_9_

Who am I? Really? I'd be okay with not knowing if no one else did either. But if there is one thing you should have told me, it was who I am. So since I've been here, we've talked about friendship, hearts, the keyblade, Kingdom Hearts, love, feelings, girls, and what it means to be whole.

And I still don't understand any of it.

I know enough to see that there is something wrong with this picture.

_10_

I get that some things don't trickle down to the bottom rungs.

But we were never even on the ladder.

_11_

Congratulations. You're reaping what you sowed.

You did this. You can't expect somebody, even if they are Nobody, to go on forever with this little knowledge. Your lies paved the way; you left her with only one option: to run. You chose this fate when you chose not to answer.

You made this happen.

But who knows? Maybe you wanted it to.

_12_

You said that she was never really one of us. I finally believe that. 'Cause you know what?

Neither was I.

_13_

I need to know who I am. I need to know what I'm doing here.

I need you to give me a reason to stay.

Oh, yeah; I had one of those. Her name was Xion. And now she's gone.

And it's all your fault.

And maybe, just frickin' maybe, if someone had said just a little bit more way back there in the beginning, we could have avoided this whole thing. Or maybe this would always have happened. Add it to the list of things I don't know.

So here's the deal, since you never even bothered to ask: I'm angrier than I've ever been; and yeah, I know I'm not supposed to be able to feel, but I can anyway, and no one's ever told me why. I'm starting to see a pattern.

Maybe the not-feeling thing was just one more lie.

Or one more omission. I can't really tell the difference. One way or another, it isn't the truth.

This I know: I need answers, and I'm not getting them here. Because you've only ever told me what I 'needed to know'.

We need to clarify our definition of a 'need-to-know basis'.

Because here's what I 'need-to-know': Have you told me one single truth this whole year?

I'm not getting an answer to that, and I know this by now. Because your idea of what I need to know is whatever will get me through my mission. Guess what? That's a short term solution to a long term problem. Did you seriously think I'd stop asking?

So what am I doing, you ask? Well here's the answer, on a simple, easy, 'need-to-know basis':

I am Roxas.

I am Number Thirteen.

I am DONE WITH THIS.

* * *

**No owny. Last line taken from Roxas's diary the day he leaves the Organization. It just fit.**


End file.
